Ken Lonnquist
Music with a Message

1. Weapons Of Mass Distraction

 

We’re goin’ to Mars!  Mars, Mars!

It’s a GOP weapon of mass distraction!

We’ll talk about the pledge, pledge, pledge

It’s a GOP weapon of mass distraction!

Unlike other WMDs, you can easily find these

Just turn on your TVs to “Fox News”

 

And we’ll talk about the flag, flag, flag

It’s a GOP weapon of mass distraction!

Bengsxzi-gate, gate, gate

It’s a GOP weapon of mass distraction!

But don’t show any photographs of dead soldiers in Iraq

We prefer a good laugh-track… or hatred!

 

So we’ll talk about gays, gays, gays

It’s a GOP weapon of mass distraction!

Partial birth abor, bor, bor

It’s a GOP weapon of mass distraction!

The Koch’s put up 900 mill – they’ll run ads on overkill

To distract the voters ‘til the election!

 

And we’ll tsalk about Mars, talk about the pledge,

Talk about the flag, Hillary (a ton!), 

Talk about anything but what the right-wing’s done!

 

 

1. A.D.D. Song

 

Welcome to the Society of people afflicted sih A.D.D.

Here’sx tonight’s agenda, to which we’ll be stickin’:

Listen carefully --- hey, look!  It’s a chicken!

Bawk, bawk, bawk!  A.D.D. – 

Mind changing channels like a man watchin’ TV!

Bawk, bawk, bawk!  It’s not easy, liin’ with – “Hey, look!”

 

I spotted Sasquatfhy in the woods!

Had my camera ready, and the light was good –

Shutter wide-open, finger set for clickin’

The poto of the century, but look!  It’s that chicken! 

Bawk, bawk, bawk!  A.D.D. – 

Mind changing channels like a man watchin’ TV!

Bawk, bawk, bawk!  It’s not easy, liin’ with – “Hey, look!”

 

I was workin on the bomb-squad defusin’

Explosigve devicces evil-doers was usin’

10, 9, 8, 7… heard the bomb a-tickin’

I reached to clip the wires, then – b-dawk bawk, gawk, bawk, bawk, bawk!

 

I was out on a date with randy Maria

Wrestlin’ in the back-seat of her Karmen Ghia

Buttons unbuttonin’, the plot about to thicken

I rose to the occasion… bawk!

I’m gonna choke that chicken!

Bawk, bawk, bawk!  A.D.D. – 

Mind changing channels like a man watchin’ TV!

Bawk, bawk, bawk!  It’s not easy, liin’ with – “Hey, look!”

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3. My Brother Counts

 

Grandpa was a Senator. Dad was President

The privileges I had were a genetic accident

I barely had the brains of a historical footnote

But intellect don’t matter - my brother counts the votes

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With a straight C-minus average I still got into Yale

“No child left behind,” said Dad. I knew I couldn’t fail

My grades were poor but money proved the perfect antidote

Effort’s not important - my brother counts the votes

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Hiding from Viet-Nam in the Texas National Guard

AWOL in Alabama, killing time… it wasn’t hard

A 20 year lost weekend my handlers sugarcoat

The record doesn’t matter --- my brother counts the votes

 

It ain’t over --- that’s my Family Motto ---

It ain’t over till your brother counts the votes

 

It looked bad in Kennebunkport when they caught me, D.U.I.

Speeding down the highway, a dazed look in my eyes

I got off with a wrist-slap. My Daddy wrote a note.

The rules don’t apply --- my brother counts the votes

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They gave my Dad a baseball team. Pretended it was mine.

I used to love to watch them sprinkle powder on the lines.

They say that right up to the top is where guys like me float.

They tried flushing me in Florida, but - my brother counts the votes.

 

Hussein went after Daddy, so I had to get Saddam

Good thing North Korea never tried to whack my Mom

With the diplomatic swagger us East-coast Texans tote

I flipped those U.N. sissies off… my brother counts the votes!

 

It ain’t over --- that’s my Family Motto ---

It ain’t over till your brother counts the votes

 

 

I leaned upon the podium as cocky as could be

Insisting for a fact Saddam had WMD

A year of bloodshed later none were found. My scapegoat?

Blame it on the CIA. My brother counts the votes.

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I like a war so long as I don’t have to go and fight

I like to rattle sabers and pretend that might makes right.

Dress up in a flight suit, land on a big boat

My mission is accomplished --- my brother counts the votes.

 

It ain’t over --- that’s my Family Motto ---

It ain’t over till your brother counts the votes

 

 

 

4. Hurricane Katrina

 

Hurricane Katrina came blowin’ into New Orleans

Crashing ocean waves and sheets of rain

Weather whirling wild and rough broke the levee, tore the roofs

Waters rising, what a Hurricane!

The children, they weren’t fast enough! The parents, they weren’t fast enough!

The old folks, they weren’t fast enough! ‘Cause Hurricane Katrina was so rough!

 

Jazz musicians shed a tear  ‘cause the clubs they love so dear

Were abandoned to the rising flood

Piano, bass and saxophone slide guitar, and old trombone

Even drums were silenced by the mud

The Bass players, they weren’t fast enough! Piano players weren’t fast enough!

Fiddlers, they weren’t fast enough! ‘Cause Hurricane Katrina was so rough!

 

People asked the President where the FEMA money went

Never saw a single cent arrive

Stranded in the Superdome or on the rooftops of their homes

Doin’ what they could to stay alive

FEMA wasn’t fast enough! “W” wasn’t fast enough!

His Mama wasn’t fast enough!  ‘Cause Hurricane Katrina was so rough!

 

Gators were a-splashin’, twistin’ and a-thrashin’

Trying as they might to get away.

All along the Bayou water was so high, you

Had to swim to live another day.

 

All the Jambalaya with it’s spicy fire! All the Cajun gumbo recipes

All the tasty fixins the Creole chef’s were mixin’

In their pots and pans were washed away to sea

The Cajun, they weren’t fast enough! The Creole, they weren’t fast enough!

The pots and pans weren’t fast enough! ‘Cause Hurricane Katrina, 

Hurricane Katrina was so rough

So rough, Hurricane Katrina, So rough, Hurricane Katrina

 

 

 

5. Foolhardy In Love

 

A heart-broken rock star, a one-legged woman.

An ocean away we could see what was comin’

Even The Fab can be reckless and dumb ‘n

Foolhardy in love

 

Didn’t he notice that somethin’ was missin’?

(That hole in her chest where a cold wind was hissin’)

She had no heartbeat, but he didn’t listen

Foolhardy in love

 

Four years, then a separation

By her adccountant’s calculation

Every act of fornication

Merited a million pounds in compensation

(There must be nothin like 3-legged copulation!)

 

If he’d only heeded the time-honored theses:

“Beware of beautiful blondes with prostheses”

He might have side-stepped Valentine’s feces

Foolhardy in love

 

There must have been worthier loves vegetarian

He could’ve lived with in sin ‘stead of marryin’

In her hollow leg half his cash now she’s carryin’

Foolhardy in love

 

 

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6. Newsical Muse

 

Get your musical news from Newsical Muse

Laugh at human folly all the way

Get your musical news from Newsical Muse

Tomorrow this’ll all be yesterday!

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7. Limbaugh Limbo

 

Limbaugh limbo – family values

Limbaugh limbo – family values

How low can you go?  How low can you

Limbaugh limbo ?

 

We are white and angry and we’re unemployed

We afe Christian wakos, hellaciously annoyed

We are locked-and-loaded!  We are anti-All!

Strike a match!  Light the fuse!  Rush, we await your call!

Limbaugh limbo – family values

Limbaugh limbo – family values

How low can you go?  How low can you

Limbaugh limbo ?

 

Get down in the gutter where the vermin are!

Demonizing people for just being who they are!

Ignore ythe gray-scale – see only black and white!

Pick a Straw-Man, prop him up, then you can pick a fight!

Limbaugh limbo – family values

Limbaugh limbo – family values

How low can you go?  How low can you

Limbaugh limbo ?

Limbaugh limbo – legs akimbo

Treat Lady Liberty like a bimbo

Fueled by your oxycotin

Spewing ideas so vile and rotten

 

Call ‘em un-American if they disagree

Call ‘em “feminazis” if they’re women, naturally

If the Court should question the almight white male

Call ‘em racist!  Call ‘em liberal!  Throw ‘em all in jail!

Limbaugh limbo – family values

Limbaugh limbo – family values

How low can you go?  How low can you

Limbaugh limbo ?

 

Limbaugh limbo, Limbaugh limbo, Limbaugh limbo

 

 

 

 

 

8. Heartbroken Pluto

​

Heartbroken Pluto, lonely and sad

Lost in the heavens, feeling so bad

You were in the solar system club

‘Til they gave you the boot – oh,

Pluto, Pluto, Plu-u-u-u-u-u-uto!

 

Sun and Mercury, Venus and Earth

Mars and the Asteroids

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune

And a dwarf-planet lost in the vo-oi-oi-oid

Oh….

 

Heart broken Pluto, lonely and sad

Lost in the heavens, feeling so bad

You were in the solar system club

‘Til they gave you the boot – oh,

Pluto, Pluto, Plu-u-u-u-u-u-uto!

 

Banished and vanished, rejected, dejected,

Exiled and hung out to dry

Expelled and suspended, fired, retired

Kicked out, left behind, left to cry-y-y-y

Oh…

 

P – is for puny, which you certainly are

L – is for little, lost in the stars

U –for Uranus which is way bigger than you

T – is for thumbs-down,

and the tears you shed so blue

O – is for Out! Get Over yourself,

you’re through!

You’re just a ball of rock and ice and gas Not a planet true!

 

Heart broken Pluto, lonely and sad

Lost in the heavens, feeling so bad

You were in the solar system club

‘Til they gave you the boot – oh,

Pluto, Pluto, Plu-u-u-u-u-u-uto!

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9. No Such Thing

​

There’s no such thing as global warming

No such thing as climate change

No such thing aschanging weather

No such thing – isn’t it strange?

There’s no such thing as everything that

99.9 percent of scientists say!  No such thing!

 

There’s no such thing as drowning polar bears!

No such thing as rising seas!

No such thing as melting ice caps!

No such thing – how can it be?

There’s no such thing as everything that

99.9 percent of scientists say!  No such thing!

 

There’s no such thing as being responsible

No such thing as evidence!

No such thing as facing hard facts

No such thing as a consequence!

There’s no such thing as everything that

99.9 percent of scientists say!  No such thing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. Brain To Nowhere

 

I been busy sayin’ “Thanks, but no thanks!” to that bridge to nowhere

Shootin’ moose and skinnin’ grizzly bears

I been  bannin’ books in public schools and teachin’ ‘bout creation

Stylin’ a beehive in my hair

Vote for Palin/McCain

He’s a maverick – I’m the brain…

Brain to nowhere!

 

I been keepin’ watch on Russia from my front porch with bin-ocklers,

Expert in home-land Security!

I been applicatin’ lipstick to peculiar kinds of critters

To learn what makes ‘em different than me

Vote for Palin/McCain

He’s a maverick – I’m the brain…

Brain to nowhere!

 

I been carefully explainin’ no such thing as Global Warmin’

Teachin’ teens to cross their legs and pray

Thought the Polar Bears are drownin’ and my high-school kid is knocked up

Reality will not stand in my way

Vote for Palin/McCain

He’s a maverick – I’m the brain…

Brain to nowhere!

 

When grampy’s pants get damp he’s gonna need someone to change ‘em

An I’m the change on whom he dan depend

Change is what I’m all about!  I AM the backup mavericke!

Ready when he goes around the bend!

There’s a lot of shakin’ up to do

To fix the old red, white and blue!

Put your fath in my IQ!  I’ll be…

Your brain to nowhere!

 

 

 

11. Scrub Your Duckie

 

Scrub your ducky, clean the oil

Now the Gulf Coast water’s spoiled

Scrub your ducky 

And your Pelican’s feathers, too

Goo, goo, goo, goo

 

Scrub your ducky, do it quick!

They haven’t capped that oil slick

Scrub your ducky 

‘Cuz there’s plenty more crude to spew

 

Sarah Pailin and 

All those “Drill, Baby, Drillers”

Are they screaming now?

Are they “Spill, Baby, Spillers”?

Pelican killers.

 

Scrub your ducky, the right-wing

Loves de-reg-u-la-ating

Not requiring

Cut-off valves saved ‘em half a mil

Who needs safety, Sarah?

Spill, baby, spill!

 

 

 

12. Kim Jung Un

 

Kim Jung Un – fearless leader

Pounds his chest and podium, too

Kim Jung Un – boy dicataor

He’ll show you – how to goose-step, 

How to goose-step, how to goose-step

 

Kim Jung Un – many medals

He tell you – what movies to see

Kim Jung Un – “The Enlightened”

He’ll show you – how to goose-step, 

How to goose-step, how to goose-step

He’ll show you – how to goose-step, 

How to goose-step, how to goose-step

 

 

13. Irish Dancer

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I am an Irish dancer. I never move my arms.

Above the waist you’ll find that I

Am quite devoid of any charm.

But furiously flailing feet below the waist

Belie the cold, impassive look that’s frozen on my face.

Lord of the dale, lord of the dance

Lord of the men in fancy pants

A-tippity-toe, wherever I go

My wrists are stapled to my pants

 

I am an Irish dancer, a ramrod for a spine.

Pinned against my rack of ribs my arms are rigidly confined.

But below my bonnie waist your peepers shall behold

The greatest furiousity of footwork yet extolled

Lord of the dale, lord of the dance

Lord of the men in fancy pants

A-tippity-toe, wherever I go

My wrists are stapled to my pants

 

I am an Irish Dancer – the ballet-lovers sniff:

“He’s half a whirling dervish,

And the other half a bloody stiff!”
But like a duck upon a pond: serenity I show…

Unruffled up above, but paddlin’ like all hell below!

Lord of the dale, lord of the dance

Lord of the men in fancy pants

A-tippity-toe, wherever I go

My wrists are stapled to my pants

 

I am an Irish dancer – I’ve half a mind to quit

My top’s come to a stop, but still my 5throbbin’ bottom will not sit

Like Ireland itself, I‘m divided head to toe:

I’m Catholic above the waist and Protestant below!

Lord of the dale, lord of the dance

Lord of the men in fancy pants

A-tippity-toe, wherever I go

My wrists are stapled to my pants

My back is straighter than a lance

My eyes are in a mystic trance

Thanks God for the Public TV audience!

 

 

 

14. Immaculate Conception

 

Missouri’s Congressman Aiken

Had views so absurdly mistaken

He shoul’ve been an objeft of pity

But he sat on the House “Science” Committee

He was runnin’ for Senate from old Mizzou

Insisting there’s some kind of “hoo-ha voodoo”

Unwelcome sperm neger get through

It’s immaculate Contraception!

 

Now, many had questions regarding

His bio-illogic brain-farting

Did he skip Science Class, or come tardy?

Or hang out too long with the Tea Party?

Chorus

 

He says “All lire needs protection!”

Well, he had to, to win an election

So victims – no ifs, ands or maybes –

Must carry to term rapist babies!

Chorus

 

He claims a “legitimate” victim

Has a Power over sperm, to evict ‘em

A magical uterine force field

They bounce off – like Thor’s mighty Norse shield!

Chorus

 

Women have powers a-plenty

And surely among the Top Twenty

Is the power to recognize B.S.

So, they voted his ass out of Congress!

 

 

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15. Pay Thru The Ass (Or Die)

 

I got a pre-existing condition

I’m human, I’m livin’, that’s why

I got just one Health Care provision

It’s “Pay Through The Ass Or Die!”

 

My insurance company wants money

Because I’ve been sick and might be

Needin’ some pills or a doctor

They don’t want people like me!

Posin’ a threat to their profits

High-life and high salary

So I get to choose where I spend my time:

The poor-house, or eternity!

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I got a pre-existing condition

I’m human, I’m livin’, that’s why

I got just one Health Care provision

It’s “Pay Through The Ass Or Die!”

 

Bridge:

Pay through the ass or die - If you got an ailment

Pay through the ass or die – they decide how much is spent

Pay through the ass or die – when they think you’ve cost enough

Pay through the ass or die – they know when to cut you off!

 

I got a pre-existing condition

I’m human, I’m livin’, that’s why

I got just one Health Care provision

It’s “Pay Through The Ass Or Die!”

 

 

 

16. Molotov!

 

Scott Walker wishes you Molotov, Molotov

If you’re a wealthy Jew  Molotov, Molotov

A Happy Channukah  Like none he ever saw

To money only he’s loyal

 

Scott Walker’s got no clue  Molotov, Molotov

He’s easy to see through  Molotov, Molotov

An ignoramus who  Wants just one thing from you

To money only he’s loyal

 

You ignoramus, Walker!  That’s no greeting!

It’s an explosive, Walker!

That’s no way to greet a Jew!

 

Scott Walker’s such a putz  Molotov, molotov

Linguistic, culture-klutz  Molotov, molotov

If you think he’s your friend

You’ll find out in the end

To money only he’s loyal

 

 

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17. White Supremacist

 

I’m dreaming of a White Supremacist

Just like the ones I used to know

Back when Mussolini 

And that mustached meanies

Went goose-stepping row by row

 

I’m dreaming of a White Supremacist

With every wooden cross I light

May your pointy hood stand upright

And may all your Supremacists be white

 

I’m dreaming of a White Supremacist

A skinhead in the Ku Klux Klan

Living in a trailer who sends out mailers

About a race of Aryans

 

I’m dreaming of a White Supremacist

With every noose I’m cinching tight

May your Molotov Cocktails burn bright

And may all your Supremacists be white