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PUMPKENLAND
Lyrics to ALL 29 Songs

all songs © KEN LONNQUIST 2012

1. Halloween Jamboree

Walkin’ through a graveyard

Through the falling leaves

Walkin’ through a graveyard,

Halloween eve

Walkin’ through a graveyard,

month of October

Walkin’ through a graveyard

feelin’ shivery all over

We’re goin’ to a party,

A Halloween party, you and me

Come on to the Halloween Jamboree!

Walkin’ through a graveyard

Everyone was there

Marilyn and Elvis

The feet of Fred Astaire

A misty Mister Rogers

Michael Jackson’s nose

And Britney Spears’ career

Where we all knew it would go

We’re goin’ to a party,

A Halloween party, you and me

Come on to the Halloween Jamboree!

2. Dem Bones

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,
Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,
Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

The toe bone's connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone's connected to the ankle bone,
The ankle bone's connected to the leg bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

The leg bone's connected to the knee bone,
The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone,
The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,
Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,
Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

The hip bone's connected to the back bone
The back bone's connected to the neck bone,
The neck bone's connected to the head bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

The finger bone's connected to the hand bone,
The hand bone's connected to the arm bone,
The arm bone's connected to the shoulder bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around
Dem bones, dem bones, gonna walk around
Dem bones, dem bones, gonna walk around
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

3. Sci Fi Hi Fi

You drop the needle on the record then you let it spin

If you don’t got a record, put a CD in

If you don’t got a CD, then put on a tape

Crank it up loud so there’s no escape

Gonna hypnotize ya till ya can’t resist

Doin’ the Sci Fi Hi Fi Twist!

Twist it! Aliens are comin’

Twist it! You’re all alone

Twist it! The spaceship’s hummin’

Twist it! Through the twilight zone

Twist it! They tried to zap ya but they missed

Doin’ the Sci Fi Hi Fi Twist!

Twist! Twist! Twist! Twist!

4. Night Of The Invasive Plants

Some creepy guy approaches at the party

A stranger not invited to the dance

His arms, like tendrils, trap her in a corner

Suffocating, this is no romance!

A thousand more just like him multiplying

Hold the party-goers in a trance

Tangled, cornered, cut-off

from the punch bowl

On the night of the Invasive Plants

She wonders where this creepy stranger came from

She knows he’s a non-native with a glance

But whatever trans-Atlantic boundaries checked him

He left behind in Holland, Spain or France

He might’ve drifted in on wind or water

Clung and hung on tight to someone’s pants

But now he’s taken root and set for choking

On the night of the Invasive Plants

Did you hear him introduced?

What’s his name? He’s exotic!

He aggressively pursues space dry and aquatic!

Leaving you no place to run - He’s one noxious tangler

A dominating, suffocating strangler!

Woo hoo! Night of the Invasive Plants!

Purple Loose-strife… Honey Suckle…

Garlic Mustard… Buckthorn…

She thinks she’s seen this in some late night movie

Where screaming earthlings didn’t stand a chance

Over-run by silent space-invaders

With no hope of checking their advance

Well every movie has to have a hero

Maybe you and I should take a stance

And somehow wake this sleeping world to action

‘Cause this is the night of the Invasive Plants!

Did you hear him introduced?

What’s his name? He’s exotic!

He aggressively pursues space dry and aquatic!

Leaving you no place to run - He’s one noxious tangler

A dominating, suffocating strangler!

Woo hoo! Night of the Invasive Plants!

5. Pumpkin

How would you like to be a pumpkin?

Orange, ripe and round

Sleepin' under the moonlight...

Tucked-in on the ground...

How would you like to be a pumpkin?

‘Round about Halloween-time

Mindin' your own busi-ness... Hangin’ on your vine...

Halloween! Halloween! Oh, it’s cruel and it’s mean!

Try to hide... you'll be seen!\

It’s enough to make a pumpkin scream!

How would you like to be a pumpkin?

Hangin' out in bed...

Someone snaps your stem off

Picks you up by the head...

How would you like to be a pumpkin?

Shiverin’ and scared, no doubt

When someone cuts you open...

And pulls your insides out...

How would you like to be a pumpkin?

A crazy kid gives you

A jack-o-lantern makeover... Like plastic surgeons do

How would you like to be a pumpkin?

Candle in your head

Flickering through your eyeholes

Smokin’, glowin’ red...

6. Zombie Mambo

You put your left brain in

You pull your right brain out

As the dance begins

You wiggle them about

You do the Zombie Mambo

You give a zombie shout: “Ohhhh!’

Walk like you’ve got the gout!

You put your liver in

You rip your gizzard out

And your intestines

You wiggle them about

You do the Zombie Mambo

You give a zombie shout: “Ohhhh!’

Walk like you’ve got the gout!

You do the Za-ha-hombie Mambo

The Za-ha-hombie Mambo

Walk like you’ve got the gout!

You put your lungs in

You yank your heart out

You dance and spin

You wiggle them about

You do the Zombie Mambo

You give a zombie shout: “Ohhhh!’

Walk like you’ve got the gout!

You do the Za-ha-hombie Mambo

The Za-ha-hombie Mambo

Walk like you’ve got the gout!

7. Sleepy Hollow

There is a sleepy hollow

Where if you choose to follow

The soft murmur of a little brook

A stillness will surround you

A most peculiar sound… you’ll

Find it quiet as an old prayer book

A drowsy, dreamy tranquility

A land enchanted and never yet set free

Witches with magic power

Held every fern and flower

And the people under a spell

Given to dreams and visions

And twilight superstitions

‘Round the haunted spot they dwell

A drowsy, dreamy tranquility

A land enchanted and never yet set free

There is a sleepy hollow

8. Headless

Headless, Nothing going on above the neck

Headless, Shuffling the cards without a deck

‘Cause above a red bow-tie

You’ve nothin’ but the moonlit sky

Headless, Your life’s a mess at best, Headless!

Headless, Who can blame the shrieking passersby?

Headless, As you loom out of the moonlit sky Materializing on the road

Jack-o-lantern grin in tow

Headless, who could suppress distress, Headless?

Galloping under the October night

Searching for something misplaced

Filled with a lifetime of your memories…

Not to mention your face!

Headless, Conversation’s hardly your forte.

Headless, No facial expressions to convey

You have no means to speak or hear

Unequipped with lips or ears

Headless, You can’t express your heart’s quest Headless.

You dream of asking a girl to the dance

You dream of stealing a kiss

But if you came face to (?) with the chance

She’d just be smooching the mist

Headless, I suppose it could be even worse

Headless, At least you know you’ll never fall head-first

Never have to comb your hair

Or gargle ‘cause your breath’s fresh air

Headless, There’s less hygienic stress Headless. Who needs optometrists, Headless?

A couch or psychiatrist Headless?

That’s a load off your chest, confess! Headless.

You always impress, no jest, Headless.

9. Swamp Water

In the middle of a yawn

I fell into the pond – Swamp Water!

My mouth was open wide

Something slimy slipped inside: Swamp Water!

A tadpole, a frog, a couple of pollywogs

A slitherin’ snake or two! I began to spew

Swamp Water! Swamp Water!

With a belly-full, I could feel the pull of Swamp Water!

Something in me changed when I gulped that strange Swamp Water!

Stumbling through the mist, I could not resist

The bubbling, oozing shore, I was thirsting after more Swamp Water! Swamp Water!

How am I ever gonna hide these gills

And webs between my fingers?

My scales and aquatic skills?

Look at me now, my life’s a mess

I’ll be lost unless I get some

Swamp Water! Swamp Water!

If they wonder what became

Of the kid who had my name: Swamp Water!

You’ll find me in the swells

Where the bubbling water smells, Swamp Water! Look into my eyes, you may recognize

The kid I used to be in the creature that you see

In the Swamp Water! Swamp Water!

10. Halloween Howling

In the autumn time of year

Winds blow cold and clear

Yellow leaves... trees tossed

Pumpkins all dress up in frost

Halloween howling... ooo ooo ooo ooo

All the Mummies come unwrapped

Skeleton fingers snap

All the Ghosts change sheets

And the Werewolves comb their feet

Halloween howling... ooo ooo ooo ooo

Black cats... Witches

Frankenstein... stitches

Watch out! Beware!

Something strange is in the air

Halloween howling... ooo ooo ooo ooo

11. The Man Who Wasn't There

(Adapted from the Hughes Mearns 1899 poem)

As I was walking up the stair… shiver & quiver

I saw a man who wasn’t there! … shiver & quiver

He wasn’t there again, today… shiver & quiver

I wish that man would stay away

He popped out of thin air!

Misty, moonlit hair

Creaking on my stair

The man who wasn’t there

Shiver & quiver (3x)

He comes from who-knows-where

Misty, moonlit hair

Creaking on my stair

The man who wasn’t… there!

12. Carnivorous Vadoobas

I was listening to the 10 o’clock news

I put my feet up and I loosened my shoes

And just as I was gettin’ ready to snooze

A special report said: “They’re on the loose!

Carnivorous Vadoobas, Vadoobas

Vadoo-ba-doobas!

Woh! Carnivorous Vadoobas

The biggest Carnivorous Vadoobas!

Four teenagers in a Cadillac

Took a ride, but they Ian’t comin’ back

As they were crossin’ over the railroad track

They saw a sight that gave ‘em a heart attack!

Carnivorous Vadoobas, Vadoobas

Vadoo-ba-doobas!

Woh! Carnivorous Vadoobas

The biggest Carnivorous Vadoobas!

I locked the window and I bolted the door

I watched the late show, it was all blood and gore

Now it’s static and a quarter-to-four

And I think I hear footsteps on the floor!

Carnivorous Vadoobas, Vadoobas

Vadoo-ba-doobas!

Woh! Carnivorous Vadoobas

The biggest Carnivorous Vadoobas!

13. Cannibal Can Can

I asked my Daddy last week,

“Hey, Daddy, why don’t you

Come for dinner one night?

I’ll make the family stew!”

So my Daddy showed up with his appetite

But little did he know (until I gave him a bite)

We’d be doin’ the Cannibal Can Can

Like only cannibals can

Doin’ the Cannibal Can C-Can Can Can

If you’re hungry, take me by the hand

When the meal is served

And they say the grace

You pray the dish they pass

Ain’t a familiar face

But you never know

Until the fire is hot

Who’ll be stirring the spoon

And who’ll be in the pot!

When you’re doin’ the Cannibal Can Can

Like only cannibals can

Doin’ the Cannibal Can C-Can Can Can

If you’re hungry, take me by the hand

The cooking class of life

Can be a raw deal

One night they make you Chef

Next night they make you the meal

When your back is turned

They’ll change the menu

Voila! The meal tonight

Is shish-ke-bob des vous!

When you’re doin’ the Cannibal Can Can

Like only cannibals can

Doin’ the Cannibal Can C-Can Can Can

If you’re hungry, take me by the hand

14. Vampire Blues

(G. Keillor / G. Donohue / Mala-Mala Music)

I woke up last night as the Sun went down

Darkness gathering all around

Each night’s the same - it never ends

I should be six-feet under with my friends

I’ve got the low-down, creepy

Undead vampire blues

I went out last night, just to have a beer

And I noticed I cast no reflection in the mirror!

My skin’s so white, people stare

I like my meat extremely rare

I’ve got the low-down, creepy

Undead vampire blues

It’s a spooky feeling tearing me apart

It’s like a wooden stake right through the heart

I sleep at night in a cave

Sometimes, for kicks, in a grave

I’ve got the low-down, creepy

Undead vampire blues

15. Brett Comes Back

When the mist is on the bayou

And a ghoul’s moon’s in the sky, you

Hear old-timers whisperin’:

“Is he comin’ back again?”

The Zombie of the swampland waits

‘til autumn to re-animate

His arm uncanny lives to save

Another game from beyond the grave

Brett... comes back

Golden leaves will swirl and spin

with training camp about to end

Through a Mississippi mound,

a claw-like hand, a scraping sound

Brett... comes back

Crunchy, popping knees will crack

through the swampy bayou black

One they all left for ‘expired’

rises, creaking, unretired

Brett... comes back

Musty jersey, number ‘4’,

tattered, stained with mud and gore

Like a a grizzled ghost he comes,

haunting rival stadiums

Brett...

Dropping back on creaking knees

He’ll side-arm supernaturally

A sixty-yarder on a line

defying doubt and Father Time

Brett... comes back

Running for his after-life

on gimpy legs from monsters rife

With malice, rising from the pile

He’ll flash his incandescent smile

Brett...

Records fall. Crushed again,

bruised and battered, in the end

He limps away. But not before

a flashing scoreboard proves once more:

Brett... comes back

Season’s end, he’ll say he’s quitting.

We see through him. Who’s he kidding?

He’s transparent as the mist.

Broken finger? Ankle twist?

Brett... comes back

A hundred autumns hence the swamp

will hear his heart begin to thump,

A pigskin heart that cannot rest.

“Is he coming back?” Oh, yes.

Brett... comes back

16. Little Lost One

When I wake up in the morning

The Sun goes down

Creeping through the graveyards

From town to town

I see a little black cat over my shoulder

Al little black cat crossing my trail

A little lack cat sleeps on a tombstone

It makes me shiver, makes me grow pale

Tell me, little lost one, where I’m bound for

Tell me why I wander where I dream

‘Cause I’m a long, long way

From where I belong

And just two steps shy of where

The Devil calls home

Well, the little kitty tells me

To go my way

A graveyard’s not the place

To pass the time of day

Especially when a moon

Comes over your shoulder

Or when a moonbeam crosses your trail

Or when a moonbeam

Sleeps on a tombstone

It makes you shiver, makes you grow pale

Tell me, little lost one, where I’m bound for

Tell me why I wander where I dream

‘Cause I’m a long, long way

From where I belong

And just two steps shy of where

The Devil calls home

Well, the kitty chased the moonbeam

Over the iron gate

And though the Sun was rising

The hour was late

And I saw a little shadow over my shoulder

Al little shadow crossing my trail

A little shadow slept on a tombstone

It made me shiver, made me grow pale

Tell me, little lost one, where I’m bound for

Tell me why I wander where I dream

‘Cause I’m a long, long way

From where I belong

And just two steps shy of where

The Devil calls home

17. Broom

Old stone cottage, misty forest, wooden door

Opened at my knock. my footstep creaked the floor.

Spiders, dusty cobwebs hanging everywhere.

Must’a been a long time no one living there.

Broom tucked in a corner bristled at my touch.

Never knew a broom that itched to work so much.

Twisted piece of knotty pine zing-tingling

I read the note tied to it with a string:

Lift me up high-high-high

Over the moon-moon-moon

Sweeping the sky-sky-sky

Like a witch’d do

Whoosh! The broom responded In a rush of wind

Up above the trees we took a wild spin

‘Round and ‘round my eyes were shining full-moon wide

Flying high above the sleeping countryside

Zipping like connect-a-dots between the stars

I hung on tight all night as we flew fast and far

Like a comet with broom-bristles for a tail

Whistling behind us as we sailed

Lift me up high-high-high

Over the moon-moon-moon

Sweeping the sky-sky-sky

Like a witch’d do

Woke next morning In a soft pine-needle bed

Bumped and bruised, a woozy feelin’ in my head

Lost the broom, but never lost the memory

Of the song the magic broom sang just for me:

Lift me up high-high-high

Over the moon-moon-moon

Sweeping the sky-sky-sky

Like a witch’d do

18. Blow Out The Pumpkin

Happy Halloween! Have a lot of fun